Guard Your Ear Gate

The school bell has rung, class is now in session.

Have you ever heard the old adage Misery Loves Company? If you have observed a miserable person, they usually do not like to be alone. Let me preface this by saying I am not talking about when someone feels miserable or sad in general; I am talking about those who like to perpetually remain in that state.

So, why don’t people who are constantly miserable like to be alone? Because they normally feel compelled to share it with others. The two types of people they look for are those with a miserable disposition like theirs, and a Good Listener.

GooD Listeners BEwaRE

Good Listeners are people who are:

  • Fully present, when people are sharing information with them.
  • Do not listen to respond, but listens to process and understand what is being said.
  • Do not interrupt, and usually react in the moment.
  • Ask follow up questions and talk less than they listen.

It is no wonder a Miserable Person, seeks out Good Listeners. The very nature of a Good Listener makes the Miserable Person feel somewhat justified in what they are complaining about or doing because the Good Listener usually will not criticize, interrupt or make them feel bad.

humorous illustration of woman and her mental vampire toxic friend

As time goes on, if the Good Listener begins to offer friendly advice that is contrary to what the Miserable Person would like to hear, the end of their communication is inevitable. Guard the Ear Gate, it is ok to listen to people, but if the majority of their dialogue is full of self-pity and negativity, close the gate, like your well-being depended on it, because it does.

Fellow Miserable People BeWaRe

The other person that Miserable People seek out are Fellow Miserable People. Because they are always miserable, and have driven people who are happy and content away; they begin to observe their surroundings, looking for family members, associates or co-workers who would be willing to join forces with them.

They listen intently and watch, in order to identify someone whose countenance is constantly down and always complaining about this or that. This is not talking about the occasional complaint or disagreement, but the person who is like this the majority of the time.

Misery Likes Company Dating Agency. Yup, this was the place.

Fellow Miserable People please BeWare. Your misery may be temporary, but if a true Miserable Person latches on, it will be like falling into a quicksand of negativity. The more one tries to move, the further they will sink.

Advice to the Miserable Person

If you are constantly feeling miserable, it stems from something and it would be wise to start from within to find out the origin of the misery bondage. Ask yourself, When did I start to feel miserable all of the time? What event took place to contribute to this state of mind? Did it develop after constantly entertaining the conversation of a Fellow Miserable Person?

I want you to realize that MISERY is a state of bondage, it is not healthy for your well-being and is within your control to be set free. Take those negative thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ.

Stop looking for people to share in your negativity and take it to the Lord in prayer.

Most of the time, when that dark cloud floats over your mind, it will completely take over your senses. It will fog your thinking, and make you feel victimized, and downtrodden. If you do nothing, but seek out Good listeners and Fellow Miserable People, you will start to deteriorate mentally and physically and will eventually being devoured. Good Listeners and Fellow Miserable People are human beings, and can do nothing to set you free, but I am here to give you hope and tell you there is Victory in Jesus Christ.

He can break the strings of Misery.

The school bell has rung. Class dismissed!

Relevant Post

https://schoolspiration.com/category/emotional-vampires/

https://schoolspiration.com/category/choosing-friends-in-adulthood/

https://schoolspiration.com/category/he-says-she-says-web/

https://schoolspiration.com/2020/07/26/rejection-redirection/

Energy Level Check: Is There an Emotional Vampire in Your Life?

The school bell has rung and class is now in session,

When you hear the word “vampire” the images that may come to mind is Barnabas Collins from “Dark Shadows” or

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Edward Cullen from “Twilight”

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I have come to inform you that vampires are quite real, maybe not in the sense of these characters, but when it comes to certain individuals we have in our lives, they could very well be Emotional Vampires and if they are, you need to run the other way, fast!

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Now in order to run from the Emotional Vampires, you will need to be able to recognize them. So, I will list six ways to identify these horrible creatures.

1. Emotionally Draining – The first thing you will noticed about this type of individual is
how emotionally and physically drained you feel after being in their company. I am not talking about the occasional time when a particular family member or friend share their issues with you, and you feel slightly tired after listening to them. I am talking about the individual who does it the emotional vampire way. Instead of sharing a small problem, they constantly bombard you with a plethora of them, while sucking you dry of advice and emotional responses ALL-THE-TIME.

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You may ask, “What is wrong with doing this? Plenty of people do this, even I do this!” That is not what I am referring to. I am talking about feeling like your head is literally spinning after you have finished a conversation with them. #abnormalfeeling

  1. Negativity Overload – After the conversation is long over with the emotional vampire in your life, you still experience this nagging negativity hangover. It is like taking a Benadryl too late before bed and waking up feeling a groggy brain-fog, after-affect. You probably did not realize until now, but that cloud of negativity was not coming from you; it was actually coming from the words of that emotional vampire you have been surrounding yourself with.
  2. You feel much better when they are not around – Picture yourself listening to the individual, while listening to them you feel bad, after listening to them you still feel gloomy. It isn’t until you have gone a few days, weeks or months, without talking/listening to this individual that you start to feel somewhat normal again. This is because while conversing with them, they not only unload a lot of negativity on you; they also tend to not actively listen to anything you have to say. So, going on a detox from this individual may show you just how good life could be without them. Go ahead and press the “Reset” button, for lighter and happier times ahead. #letitgo #frozenstyle
  3. Simplicity goes out the Window – Another sign of an emotional vampire is when having, what you believe to be, a simple conversation with them, ends up leaving you in a ball of confusion.                                                                                                8EB71179-F9AB-4CDB-AD8C-05A6757D8F51_4_5005_cWhat starts out as a simple statement, ends with the emotional vampire taking things completely out of context; leaving you disoriented and wondering what in the Sam Hill went wrong. Communication gaps happen, yes, but in the case of the emotional vampire, they are inevitable because the vampire is usually busy being negative, playing mind games, refusing to give straight answers or being overly defensive of their “uncalled for” behavior. This is definitely a trait that you should be on the lookout for because simplicity is certainly a thing of the past with them. #byebyesimplicity
  1. They make you feel deflated – These emotional vampires tend to deflate everyone around them. They cannot stand to see anyone thriving in anything because they are debbie-downers and want to make others feel that way too. A true friend would like for you to be happy and celebrate with you when things are good, and comfort you when things are bad. An emotional vampire does the complete opposite, covertly; they do not bring comfort; nor do they celebrate you. They only do it if it serves themselves in some form or fashion. Most of the time they appear to only “tolerate” you being in their lives. They are really not into you or what you have going on but keep you around for their own purposes. So, ask yourself again, why do you entertain such a person? Inquiring minds would like to know.
  2. You have a sneaky suspicion the friendship isn’t quite real – With emotional vampires, they only put up with you because a) they need a sounding-board b) they need someone to put down so that they can feel better about themselves c) they need emotional responses to what they are saying [in these cases they will have multiple people they run to for this because your response alone will not be enough] d) they need your energy to empower themselves. Notice how all of these reasons are about them and not the friendship? This is normally the case with these creatures, I mean, emotional vampires. Once they get the energy and attention they crave, you will be out of sight and out of their narrow minds, until they need another energy fix again.

What to do if you have been bitten by an emotional vampire:

1. Establish the no contact rule, this is important because they are sly creatures and can usually lure you back into the friendship before you have time to think about it. Cutting ties will allow you to get back to emotional freedom sooner than later.

2. Do not try to reason with emotional vampires, it will not work. You will just become tangled up again in their web of deceit.

3. If you work with the person in a common organization, separate yourself and only deal with them professionally. Do not meet up for dinner or talk on the phone. Keep everything strictly work related, and at work only.

4. Develop a support system of people who care about you, and who are willing to talk and actively listen. This marks a healthy relationship. Now go forth and be a Vampire Slayer!

 

Wellness Tip: Clear conscious. Do not be afraid to say you are sorry and to forgive.

“The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires.” ~William A. Ward

The school bell has rung, class dismissed!

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